What Fresh Hell Is This, Rattling Our Synapses on a Friday?

Well, there's this: All four McDowell County magistrates are terrified of gay cooties and have opted out of performing any marriages under Senate Bill 2, passed in June by our esteemed Gay Cootie Monitors in Raleigh, so that gay-friendly magistrates are having to travel several days a week to Marion, where all The Lights are currently off, to perform the civil functions that the resident magistrates refuse to perform, all of which nonsense is Rank Unconstitutional Bullshit and will be struck down by a judge as soon as someone sues the effing magistrates of McDowell County, North Carolina.

Then there's this: The Oath Keepers, the armed, camouflage-wearing volunteer militia drunk on testosterone cocktails, say that they're ready to go automatic-weapon-to-automatic-weapon against U.S. marshals should that Republican Federal judge in Kentucky order Kim Davis back to jail for being a dick. That's no problem at all, and nothing could possibly go wrong when religious fanatics decide to defy the law.

'Murica!