Skvarla Shakes His Pom-Poms

This is either John Skvarla
or Charles Nelson Reilly

Next to Governor Squishy Hisownself, the dumbest member of the McCrory administration in Raleigh is John Skvarla, who used to be McCrory's appointee to head the Department of Environmental Quality, until he did a face plant into coal ash, at which point McCrory appointed him to head the Commerce Department, where he mainly leads cheers for Squishy's "Carolina Comeback."

According to Skvarla, speaking yesterday in Matthews, HB2 has had zero effect on North Carolina's economic well-being. “It hasn’t moved the needle one iota,” Skvarla said, holding an unmelted pat of Country Crock on his tongue the whole time.

Let's consult the dictionary, shall we? Iota -- noun, 1: the 9th letter of the Greek alphabet; 2: an infinitesimal amount.

Skvarla's statement is in the negative: HB2 has not "moved the needle" even an infinitesimal amount. Has not!

Not the loss of 400 new PayPal jobs in Charlotte? Not the loss of athletic tournaments and championship games, with meals sold in restaurants and beds rented in hotels? Not the loss of tickets sold at concert venues of canceled entertainment? Not the cooling of interest by out-of-state investors unwilling to relocate business to the "bathroom state"?

Then, in a truly Trumpian moment, Skvarla contradicted his whole "not one iota" claim by admitting that he had lashed out at PayPal for jilting the state, because, you know, one lashes out when one isn't affected at all by another's actions.

PayPal has our bowl!

"We want our stuff back," Skvarla apparently snarled at PayPal, referring to a carved oak ceremonial bowl that had been presented to PayPal by Governor Squishy back when the company announced its expansion into North Carolina.

Not one iota, but clearly one bowl's worth!

If I were casting the movie version of this historic time, I would cast Charlie Nelson Reilly as John Skvarla.