Thursday, March 22, 2007


Finally, someone with AUTHORITY arrived in North Carolina to tell the Baptists who to vote for!

Rev. Richard Land, of iPootValues fame, was in Raleigh yesterday and delivered The Tablets to the faithful:

1. Baptists are NOT to vote for Rudy Giuliani.

2. Baptists are NOT to vote for Newt Gingrich.

3. Baptists are NOT to vote for Mitt Romney until he certifies that the Mormon Church won't "dictate" to him (at least not like Rev. Land dictates to Baptists).

In the most surprising revelation of the day, apparently the threshold for adultery has been lowered a notch: in ruling out both Giuliani and Gingrich, who've each been married three times, Rev. Land said, "Three is one marriage too many for them." Now, we're no whizzes at math, but we would have expected a slightly different benchmark, as in "Three is TWO marriages too many," but evidently The Almighty has lowered that bar just a smidgen, considering the field of Republican candidates He has to work with this time.

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