BANISH CELL PHONES TO THE OUTER REACHES OF THE UNIVERSE!

The cranky old man to the left is a self-portrait made immediately after encountering my ten thousandth four hundred & fifty-sixth automobile driver talking on a cell phone while allegedly driving their cars.

I get treated to other people's cell phone conversations in the grocery store, standing in line for coffee, even once during a prayer in church. Never was Maxwell Smart's "Cone of Silence" more needed.

But people driving while talking on cell phones are a threat to life and limb, unlike the jerks in line to pay for popcorn, who are merely rude and self-involved.

"Nationwide Mutual Insurance Co. surveyed 1,200 drivers and reported in January that 73 percent of them phone while they drive. More than 40 countries from Australia to Zimbabwe have banned the use of hand-held phones while driving. So have the District of Columbia and four states including California."

The North Carolina legislature decided last year to deny the right to phone while driving to those under 18, but what a crock! A 45-year-old with a cell phone is every bit as distracted as a 17-year-old with a hot date on Friday night.

Rep. Paul Luebke of Durham is trying to change that. We wish him good luck but predict he'll have approximately zero success. Even members of the legislature love their cell phones.