On Being in Opposition

A commenter in a thread down-column scolds us for being overly partisan. The words "childish" and "sarcastic" rolled out in the same sentence. Along with an invocation of the Promised Land of cooperative democracy, which clearly we are personally thwarting by using monikers on this blog like "El Presidente" (translation: the president) and "Madam" (Def.: "a title of courtesy").

Gosh.

It's interesting to us that the prospect of losing a national election in six weeks brings out the school marm in some of our readers, those who drink from a wholly different fountain of wisdom, and we are sent to our beds without supper for not trying harder to just get along.

Let's see here. In the last two years, we've been called godless. We've been told that we cannot possibly be Christian. We've been accused of caring more for the terrorists than for our own country (but thank GAWD we've got "a deal on torture" now). We are "socialists" who were "communists" until the dissolution of the Soviet Union rendered that insult inoperable.

Now we're just inpolite little jackasses who won't stay quiet and accept it that Jehovah is running this country through His agents George W. Bush, Virginia Foxx, David Blust, Keith Honeycutt, and the rest of the Heavenly Host. We're supposed to accept it that not only are Republicans in control of the executive and both legislative branches of government. Not merely in charge, they have developed in Congress at least an iron system that routinely shuts out Democratic voices in the conference committees which work out differences between Senate and House bills. That's how we get "a deal on torture"! And a "Medicare reform" that gives billions to Big Pharma. And an energy bill that gives billions to Big Oil. And a continuing system of "ear-marked" pork. And a failure to reform lobbying. And a thousand other blessings that floweth from On High, not least of which is a new doctrine of preemptive war based on remixing, kneading, adulterating, and then cooking the truth to justify.

Gosh, we say. If there were only a cliff we could plunge over, in a great big herd of godless socialist lemmings, or a funeral pyre we could throw ourselves on, sending the smoke of our repentance up as a sacrifice in the nostrils of God!

Instead, we're in opposition. And we must admit, we're damn poor at it, not at all talented like Republicans. We're trying to learn. We're sitting at the feet of the masters: Rush Limbaugh, Shawn Hannity, Ann Coulter, Tom DeLay, Jesse Helms, Robert Novak, Tucker Carlson, the Rev. Jerry Falwell, the Rev. Pat Robertson, Pat Buchanan, Mary Matalin, the Pope Foundation, John Hawke, Charles Hastings. And you're right. We haven't seen a bit of sarcasm or childishness -- let alone self-righteousness -- in ANY of these our models, so obviously we have a way to go.

But not to worry. If Democrats SHOULD take back any small portion of the federal government, they will have learned virtually nothing about governance from their Republican betters. So you'll see compromise piled on top of compromise. You'll see Republicans allowed into the legislative process. Hell, the leaders of a Democratic Senate or a Democratic House will probably even talk to El Presidente!

And we assume, should Republicans become a minority in any house of Congress starting in January 2007, they will respond positively to your call for pleasant cooperation. Right?