Saturday, January 28, 2006

Congresswoman Foxx Issues New Rules for Public Behavior

The first thing we have to do is to separate out the things that are pleasant, from the things that are "Un-Pleasant."

ONE: All public disruption and acts of vandalism are to cease immediately.

TWO: All citizens of Pleasantville are to treat one another in a courteous and "pleasant" manner.

THREE: The area commonly known as Lover's Lane as well as the Pleasantville Public Library shall be closed until further notice.

FOUR: The only permissible recorded music shall be the following: Pat Boone, Johnny Mathis, Perry Como, Jack Jones, the marches of John Phillips Souza or the Star Spangled Banner. In no event shall any music be tolerated that is not of a temperate or "pleasant" nature.

FIVE: There shall be no public sale of umbrellas or preparation for inclement weather of any kind.

SIX: No bedframe or mattress may be sold measuring more than 38 inches wide.

SEVEN: The only permissible paint colors shall be BLACK, WHITE or GRAY, despite the recent availability of certain alternatives.

EIGHT: All elementary and high school curriculums shall teach the "non-changist" view of history -- emphasizing "continuity" over "alteration."

[Thanks to Gary Ross, "Pleasantville," 1998]

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