Sunday, November 21, 2004

Watauga GOP Can't Stop Bashing ASU Students

Which County Commissioner was it overheard at the Boone paint store loudly declaiming against ASU students? "They don't own property here. They shouldn't be allowed to vote here!"

Interesting attitude toward democracy, that! We fought some wars, seems like, to remove that particular sign over the voting booth: PROPERTY-OWNERS ONLY.

But if the local Republican Party wants to campaign on that principle, who are we to tell 'em nay? "No one should vote who doesn't own [real] property." Okay. Let's take them at their word. That would mean:

Renters (period) won't be allowed to vote. That would include the odd Watauga County school teacher who's moved here straight out of college to teach the children of the property-owners. But a servant's a servant, right? and he/she clearly doesn't need to be messin' in local politics.

The class of "renters" actually would cover a right many folks, and not just students. Some of them professionals, like young technicians at the Watauga Medical Center. But they're clearly here to serve their betters, and need not be messin' in Watauga County politics.

Hold the phone! What about the 18-, 19-, 20-year-old children of property-owners, the ones who don't themselves yet own a homestead? Do we rule them out of the right to vote too? Well, no, dunce! We can let them vote, since they'll likely vote the way their property-owning parents tell 'em to vote, and that's all this is about, really ... disenfranchising people who don't think exactly like the property-owners do!

We're warming up to this task! Some pastors of churches must be denied the vote, since their churches often furnish their domiciles. So men of the cloth who don't own property won't be allowed to vote.

We're gonna need a bigger tablet to keep track of everyone this rule is gonna block!

And we can tell ... this is going to be a REAL POPULAR solution to Watauga County's multiple problems, when the Republican Party decides to go fully public ... like, say, Allen Trivette did in his letter to the editor alleging a plot among ASU professors to lead ASU students by the nostril hairs to the polling place to vote against HIM! (How those plotting professors found time in their busy Satan-serving schedules to lead those students by the nose ... we don't actually know. Just that they DID it!)

Let us know, Watauga GOP, when you're ready to take this campaign public, and we'll be happy to help out! We've already got a list started.

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