Saving America, One Gay County at a Time

You wouldn't think you'd have to resort to paying people in Caldwell County to vote Republican (there's what? three registered Democrats in that entire county?), but then we read the coverage about the three Caldwell County Republican party activists who were convicted of doing precisely that in the 2002 general elections. This paragraph contains the encoded explanation for why:

"Prosecution witnesses testified that they were paid $25 to vote for Caldwell County Sheriff Gary Clark or a straight Republican ticket. They also were paid $10 to register to vote." (News & Observer story here.)

It's that "straight Republican ticket" proviso that tips us off that the gay menace was running rampant at the foot of our mountains in 2002. With the "homosexual agenda" that close to Boone, and costing $25 a vote, we're in much worse shape than we thought.

You go, straight Republican vote-buyers!