Mullah Dobson Declares a Jihad

Rev. James Dobson, who says he's fed up about the furor over SpongeBob SquarePants, has issued a press release calling on the Faithful to write letters to five journalists he's fingered for having mocked him and his views.

Rev. Dobson says he never said that SpongeBob SquarePants was himself gay. He said, instead, that SpongeBob SquarePants had been turned into a tool for the "gay agenda" of spreading "diversity and unity."

"Diversity and unity" ... BAD ... and not in a good way.

Especially BAD ... and not in a good way ... "a tolerance pledge" promoted by the We Are Family foundation, which reads in part, "I pledge to have respect for people whose abilities, beliefs, culture, race, sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own."

We're so glad the Mullah cleared that up, 'cause for a minute there, he seemed sort of ... we don't know ... hateful.

And we'll get right to work on our letters of stern reprimand to the following (quoting verbatim from Rev. Dobson's website, except for the typos, which we've silently corrected):

* New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, who sarcastically wrote Dr. Dobson had done "the country a service by reminding us to watch out for the dark side of lovable but malleable sponges."

* Today show anchor Matt Lauer, who suggested that "Focus has made a mistake and really doesn't want to apologize for it."

* MSNBC.com columnist Michael Ventre, who called Christians "creepy, rigid, arrogant, cruel, know-it-all, pompous, obnoxious and treacherous -- better known by the acronym CRACKPOT." He added: "They are giving Jesus Christ a bad name."

* Crossfire host James Carville, who said: "How stupid am I? I thought these [tolerance and diversity] were actual virtues."

* MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann, who said: "If the folks at Focus on the Family are right, it could make you, your children or maybe your furniture gay. Or tolerant."