Dick Burr: Options Are Scary, Like Voters

Afraid he might be breathed on by actual North Carolina voters, Sen. Dick Burr held a closed door meeting with criminally underpaid hospital administrators in Hickory who hate the idea of a "public option" for health insurance and believe that a foreign-born Muslim president has no right whatsoever to be trying, even, to reform health care in America and possibly no right to even be living upon the earth.

Health insurance options would erode the fabric of America, said Burr, who allowed a reporter for the Hickory Daily Record within 20 feet of His Presence only after the reporter had been sprayed with a strong disinfectant. Why are we crapping our pants over the threat of options? Because options might horribly impact insurance companies' profit margins, and what are we as American senators if not guardians of The Prosperous? And voters might never again vote for a Republican, at least not until Tom DeLay wins Dancing with the Lying Scumballs.