Jeff Sessions Will Run for His Old Alabama US Senate Seat

Jeff Sessions can take a punch
and pop back up!

Last night, under the cover of a darkness that passeth understanding, former Trump Attorney General and punching bag Jefferson Beauregard Sessions announced that he will be running again for his old US Senate seat, the one he gave up to become Attorney General and Trump's punching bag.

Thank you Jeremy W. Peters and Maggie Haberman for this tidbit:

"News of Mr. Sessions’s decision to run startled and dismayed national Republicans, who had hoped that he would step aside to avoid the possibility of being vilified by Mr. Trump — and to spare them the headache of a nationalized race in a state they hope to win back."

Alabama Republicans are naturally itching to take back that Senate seat from Doug Jones, who beat young flesh entrepreneur Roy Moore in the special election of 2017. Doug Jones is generally regarded as the most vulnerable Democrat in the Senate, because, after all, Alabama.

Those "dismayed national Republicans" have had their eyes on two normal-looking, unpunched-by-Trump Republicans who had already declared their intentions to run in a primary for that Senate seat: Alabama 1st District Congressman Bradley Byrne and former Auburn University football coach Tommy Tuberville (because, after all, Alabama + football). Those two guys were maybe considered frontrunners prior to the entry of Jeff Sessions, though young flesh entrepreneur Roy Moore will also be in that March 3rd primary, and he still has a following among the apocalyptic-minded. (There are even a couple more guys who've announced an intention to run, so that Republican senatorial primary in Alabama will be crowded.)

The big question: Will Twitterman, the one with low impulse control, stay out of that primary? Or will he let his cankers bloom and bash Sessions? Maggie Haberman reports this:

"Mr. Trump ... continues to blame Mr. Sessions for the two-year Russia probe, and last weekend he repeatedly denounced Mr. Sessions, saying he was a “jerk” and making it clear Mr. Sessions would not have his support, according to a person briefed on the discussions.

Alabama, winter is coming!

The Luckiest Democrat in the Nation

Alabama Senator Doug Jones must have a guardian angel. The improbable winner of Jeff Sessions' old seat in a 2017 special election has been staring down the barrel of his first reelection campaign in 2020, and along comes a repeat Republican offender in Roy Moore who says he intends to drag the Republican Party down again next year.

Oh goodie!

“Yes, I will run for the United States Senate in 2020,” Moore told reporters in Montgomery, Ala. “Can I win? Yes, I can win.”

Four other Republicans have already declared for the race, none of them with the name recognition nor toxic history of Roy Moore. Some observers think hope that maybe Jeff Sessions will get in and run for his old seat, in which case Roy Moore would probably be crushed in the primary.

Twitterman, who supported Moore in 2017, has turned his back on him, calling him a loser who can't possibly win the Senate seat. That's got to hurt. But it has also fed Roy Moore's ego, to prove Trump wrong. What could be more tempting than proving all the Washington establishment wrong?

Miss America, Running for Congress (Another Story We're Loving in 2018)

Mallory Hagan

Mallory Hagan, a native of Opelika, Alabama, who was also Miss America 2013, has announced that she's running for Alabama's 3rd Congressional District, which includes her hometown. She spent a year at Auburn University (studying biomedical science) and then moved to New York City to pursue a career in modeling and acting. She was a resident of Brooklyn when she won the Miss America competition on a platform of child sexual abuse awareness and prevention (she's probably not a Roy Moore fan). She also gave a response on the issue of gun control in which she opposed fighting violence with violence.

Late in 2017, Miss America company internal emails surfaced that revealed that top brass at the beauty pageant regularly dissed contestants and especially winners of the crown. Mallory Hagan in particular was both fat-shamed and slut-shamed. Publication of the emails led to several top resignations from the Miss America pageant.

In Hagan's Crowdpac appeal to supporters, she struck a populist note about how people are fairing in her Alabama district:

Today, the citizens of the third Congressional district of Alabama face many challenges. For instance, the once thriving city of Anniston has been transformed by the closure of Fort McClellan. In Talladega—home to the largest racetrack on the NASCAR cup circuit— roughly 31 percent of its residents live below the poverty level. And Alexander City, once the home of Russell Athletic, is now challenged by the loss of 6,500 jobs since 2012.

Even the most prosperous parts of the district face serious challenges. In Auburn—where 28,000 students reside in a town known as the loveliest village on the plains— almost 50 percent of all single mothers struggle financially to care for their children. And although my hometown Opelika has overcome significant economic and social challenges in recent years, today less than 34 percent of its K-12 students are proficient in reading.

The Republican incumbent, Mike Rogers, has won handily in the past 8 elections. He's always had a Democratic opponent, but most of them never come close to beating him. His closest race was his

Congressman Mike Rogers

first in 2002, when he won with just 50.3% of the vote.

Mallory Hagan said of Rogers, “Anyone being in a position of power for 16 straight years just goes against what our democracy is about.” She only launched an exploratory campaign last week on Crowdpac. In just a few hours, her page brought in more than $7,000. Now, that number has more than doubled, and she's in the race to stay.

Rogers has trended more and more conservative, up to and beyond buffoon level. He introduced legislation making it illegal to satirize or in any way parody the Transportation Security Administration (not making that up). In June 2016 he called for the United States' withdrawal from the United Nations in the wake of the Brexit vote by the United Kingdom to withdraw from the European Union. February 2, 2017, Rogers sponsored legislation to abolish the Environmental Protection Agency. And so on.

May Mallory make Mike's "safe seat" very precarious!

James Lee Auman Is Showing Democrats How Political Bravery Works

James Lee Auman

Alabama's 4th Congressional District has been represented by Republican Robert Aderholt for some 22 years. The district is considered so hopelessly Republican that Aderholt ran unopposed in 2016 and 2014.

James Lee Auman thinks that's a betrayal: "This is unacceptable. For any candidate to run unopposed is a degradation of democracy. No one fights for the right to fill in a box next to a stand-alone name on a ballot. If the voters do not have a choice then their voice is not heard and their right to vote is effectively nullified. In these instances, in the subtlest of ways, the voters are instead given an empty symbol of a right."

Auman is using Crowdpac to raise pledges of support to put his name on the ballot in the Alabama 4th District. "If we gain enough money and endorsements to mount a viable campaign, it will send a message that no candidate from any party can take their votes for granted. It will send a message that the people of this state and of this country are ready for a paradigm shift in political priorities. It will send a message that we are ready for a political philosophy that deems every person worthy of dignity and respect, that subverts the subtle systems of oppression which have kept silent the most vulnerable, and that strives to dissipate power and embolden service."

Auman works for the Episcopal Diocese of Alabama at Camp McDowell in Nauvoo, the large Episcopal Church conference center and retreat, where he is in charge of guest services. "Auman's life has been inextricably affected by his involvement and leadership in the Episcopal Diocese of Alabama. He views this next chapter of his life as a mere continuation of his ministry to serve God's people, but he is uninterested in promulgating his own theological or religious views. Rather, Auman seeks to help others understand that we all walk abreast on the same journey and that we are all inherently deserving of the compassion of one another."

We find Lee Auman an inspiring character and have pledged to support him. We hope to see more of this kind of political audaciousness in 2018 and especially hope to see it closer to Boone than Nauvoo, Alabama!

Who Are the Big Losers?

Yesterday was a big day, with two major developments related to voting:

1. Judge Paul Ridgeway in Wake Superior Court ended the Nathan Miller attempt to derail the Boone Town Council elections and ordered that the newly elected council members be certified and cleared for swearing into office.

2. Doug Jones won the Alabama special Senate election.

The Losers

Nathan Miller and the Watauga GOP. What will they try next to show their hatred of young voters?

Steve Bannon. His plans for a Trumpist empire look slightly crimped this morning. Twitter is reporting that Bannon aides are now saying that Steve really wanted Mo Brooks for that Senate seat, but was sort of forced to accept Roy Moore (because, uh, Moore won the Alabama primary).

Donald J. Trump. Hahahaha. Trump tweeted this morning that he was right all along about Alabama because when he was stumping the state for Luther Strange, he said in public that Roy Moore could never win the general election. Trump is 0-2 in picking candidates to campaign for, but because in his head he's always right and always a winner, he's drinking this rationalization in a great gulp.

Roy Moore. We hear his horse has applied to the witness relocation program. And before we forget seasons greetings -- Happy Hanukkah, Mrs. Moore!

Virginia Foxx. If a pro-choice Democrat can be elected to the US Senate from Alabama, then anything can happen in the year ahead. You might want to think about that, Madam Foxx. Perhaps you can get President Trump into the Fifth District to campaign for you.

Photo: Alex Brandon/AP

One of Those Watershed Moments

I have to admit that I'm going to miss the Roy Moore campaign. It's been a primer on where the Republican Party has parked its identity in the Age of Trump. Those reminders are both necessary and, lucky for us, numerous. Who is the Trump/Moore Republican? He's a soldier -- defiantly reactionary, divisive by prime instinct, preacher-perfect at denouncing other people's sins while personally wearing no underwear, and sentimental about slavery.

That's what made this Kayla Moore moment last night in Midland City so ... solid. The film is going to live forever.






Doug Jones can win this thing. I discount all polls on this race, including the Fox News one yesterday that had Jones up by 10 points, because how do you model who's going to actually show up and vote? The Alabama secretary of state predicted "a modest turnout of 20 to 25 percent" — surprising, given all the national media attention and the fact that voter turn-out was about 64 percent in the 2016 presidential election. Not surprising though, given the depressing downer nature of the whole campaign. The religious right is turned on by Roy Moore, and of course Democrats are ecstatic about how well Doug Jones has done, but a wide middle swath of not-particularly-engaged voters, including many educated Republicans, have been turned off by the spectacle of Moore, are embarrassed about him, and they either won't vote at all or they'll write in someone else's name (and maybe a few of them will even vote for the Democrat because they no longer believe in Hell).

Reportedly, African-American voters aren't energized about Jones, though major national political figures and celebrities like Charles Barkley have stumped the state. Last night, Jones got "an implicit boost, of a sort," from Condoleezza Rice, who without ever mentioning Doug Jones by name (or Roy Moore either), called on Alabamians to “reject bigotry, sexism and intolerance” and “insist that our representatives are dignified, decent and respectful of the values we hold dear.” Rice is a native of Alabama and maybe still has family there.

Based on what happened nationally with so many suburban, nominal Republicans and independent voters back on November 7, Jones could win it with the growing urban/suburban centers like Birmingham and Montgomery and Huntsville, especially if African-Americans don't sit at home and enough moderate Republicans either do stay at home or throw their vote in any direction but Moore's. The Democrats have been working hard while Moore's got no ground game and has been totally absent from the campaign for days at a time, including all of the past six days before his rally last night, when Mrs. Moore schooled everyone on who's a bigot. When a candidate acts like he doesn't need to work for it and doesn't show up with the public for days on end, do voters reward him with high office? Sometimes they don't.

Steve Bannon did his part at last night's rally, encouraging the booing of Republican Senator Richard Shelby, attacking both Condi Rice and Bob Corker, and then mocking Ivanka Trump's comments about Moore, that there's a special place in hell for people who sexually molest teenaged girls. Bannon has his entire reputation of king-maker and incipient political empire riding on this election today.

The 50-Yard Field Goal Attempt

The American Bridge PAC is running ads in Alabama urging voters tomorrow to write in the name Nick Saban on their ballots.





Why wouldn't Alabama voters choose their spiritual leader?

Back in September, with Trump distracting from the Mueller investigation by attacking NFL players, naturally a reporter would get to Nick Saban for a comment, and this is what coach said: "To me, some of the things that we do in our country when I grew up, they were unifying events and it's a little painful to see that those things are not so right now. But I also respect everyone's rights not to be censored in terms of the way they express their beliefs. I'm just a coach. I don't have the answers to all the questions. I know that most good things come out of love and respect and compassion and unifying people. Most bad things come out of hate and dislike and deceit. Hopefully we can focus on the above and not the below."

Well, Alabama could do worse than pick Nick Saban, and possibly will if it's to be Roy Moore.

Odds for Doug Jones Just Went Up in Alabama

Marine Col. Lee Busby (Ret.) has launched a full-on write-in campaign for the Senate seat in Alabama, hoping to stop Roy Moore from ever getting to Washington. Don't know what his candidacy looks like on the ground in Alabama -- local Alabama coverage at the moment is mainly reprints and replays of national political media), but he's already nationally famous. He did an appearance on Morning Joe a couple of days ago, an interview on NPR this morning, and he's been written up in the Washington Post, The Daily Beast, RealClearPolitics, and probably elsewhere.

Fox News. 

Busby is a conservative Republican. He says he'd vote for the Senate tax bill even though he knows he'll never have that opportunity (because it'll be done with by the time there's a new Alabama senator sworn in). Busby has no formal campaign structure or even a working website "as of Monday morning" (WashingtonPost). He told the Post he is "counting on social media to spread the word" (and here we are, reporting for duty).

According to James LaPorta, "Busby has been the CEO of his own business and worked as a defense consultant and investment banker. At the same time, Busby has been honoring fallen Marines with sculptures" (like the one in the foreground of the photo to the left).

That's an admirable thing to do.

Most interesting: Busby not only voted for Trump. He was current White House Chief of Staff John Kelly's vice chief of staff in Iraq.

Policy positions (other than support for the Trump tax law)? Against abortion (check!). Repeal Obamacare (check!). Voted for John Kasich in the 2016 Republican presidential primary (hmmm). But that's it. That's all the policy issues Busby has so far shared with the public, though there's this:

With the Washington Post, he used military strategy to explain his politics: "The left flank and the right flank are heavily guarded. I think that gives you an opportunity to run straight up the middle.” On the basis of that, the Post suggested he was therefore "centrist."

That may be correct. Despite his doctrinaire right wing positions on abortion and monetary policy, he attended a Doug Jones fundraiser early on, to check out the Democrat in the race (so he's open-minded or at least curious), but decided Jones was not "appealing." Meanwhile -- and perhaps the explanation for why he attended that Democratic fundraiser -- Busby has been unimpressed with Roy Moore, a zero in Busby's view, even without all the sexual accusations.

So what's a cigar-chomping Marine to do if both the Republican and the Democrat fail to measure up?

Said the Carpenter to the Butterfly, "Wanna See My Joist?"

Bill Bramhall, New York Daily News

Alabama voters, at least until yesterday, considered Roy Moore a Christian soldier, and he has played the part with gusto. He published a book in 2009, "So Help Me God: The Ten Commandments, Judicial Tyranny, and the Battle for Religious Freedom," in which he's the hero and the Scourge of God, whipping the sexual misdeeds and perversions of other men according to the Holy Word of God, and pushing a couple of tons of Ten Commandments uphill against an American culture that has gone to the Devil.

Apparently in Alabama, good Christian soldiers are expected to indulge in a little pedofilia. That's at least the view of one high-ranking Alabama public official.

(We just got around to reading the Washington Post investigative piece that exposes Moore's past behavior with girls as young as 14. It's convincingly detailed. The main accuser, the at-the-time 14-year-old Leigh Corfman, was a Trump voter in 2016, so Moore's screaming it's all a Democratic Party plot rings a hollow gong.)

Alabama State Auditor Jim Ziegler heard about Moore showing off through white cotton undies his stiff dick to a prepubescent girl, and Ziegler shook if off as normal. He was quoted by the Washington Examiner: "Much ado about nothing," he said. “There is nothing to see here.” (He really said that!) “The allegations are that a man in his early 30s dated teenage girls. Even the Washington Post report says that he never had sexual intercourse with any of the girls and never attempted [?] sexual intercourse."

Then Ziegler actually turned to Scripture to defend Moore:

“Take the Bible. Zachariah and Elizabeth for instance. Zachariah was extremely old to marry Elizabeth and they became the parents of John the Baptist. Also take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus.”

“There’s just nothing immoral or illegal here,” Ziegler concluded. “Maybe just a little bit unusual.”

As Judge Judy would say, "Miss Alabama, you picked him! You pay!"

Well Dayum! Democrat Doug Jones Is Running as a (Gulp!) Democrat in Alabama

Doug Jones, who's up against Republican mad bomber Roy Moore in the Alabama special election to replace Jeff Sessions in the US Senate, is not concealing his core philosophy, is not trimming his sails on abortion rights or climate change, is not trying to seem "Republican lite" or "focus-grouped" or mamby-pamby. He's standing up for his convictions, come what may.

Recent polling seems to suggest that people -- even people in Alabama -- like a Democrat who isn't ashamed to be a Democrat. The last poll we've seen -- by Fox News, no less -- has Jones and Moore tied.

Running as a Democrat in deep-red Alabama ought to be the kiss of death under normal circumstances. Circumstances ain't normal. Roy Moore ain't normal. He offends plenty of moderate, country-club Republicans (who, just incidentally, often want their teenage girls to have access to abortion and sometimes need it), and Jones has a reputation as a stand-up prosecutor who's also not a loon and probably won't embarrass the state.

Go down swinging, Mr. Jones! Or if you don't go down, or if you even come close, you've shown the way potentially to others who've been afraid.

Alabama Republicans Go Retro

Alabama Republican voters picked Roy Moore last night. The man who holds a gun funny, wears a cowboy hat as a helmet, and wants to make his religion the law of the land. Note: his religion is not exactly the loving kind. They call him "Judge," and he does.

Can things get any worse for Mitch McConnell? It was pile-on-Mitch all day yesterday. Another repeal&replace bill sunk like an anvil in his own caucus. Another of his most influential lieutenants and committee chair, Bob Corker of Tennessee, announced he'd had enough and would not run for reelection in 2018, setting the stage for another potential circus of a Republican primary in 2018 in which the name "McConnell" will mean approximately shit. Mitch became the Nancy Pelosi of the Republican Party yesterday.

(Meanwhile -- and by the way -- who's the Tennessee Democrat for that race? More about that below.)

And the cherry on the top of yesterday for Ole Mitch ... Roy Moore, ascendant, coming at him with the lash of retarded righteousness. Everyone expects Moore to win the general. It'll be Moore v. Doug Jones, the Democrat who won his own primary on August 15 (see below). But the actual election isn't until December 12, and that's more than adequate time for a well-funded alternative to Moore to build a case. A Democratic candidate who "fits the state" and is firm to the touch has every opportunity for upsetting Judge Moore (especially in an age when anything can happen politically, and does).

Doug Jones

Nobody thinks Jones can win. Except maybe Jones himself. He's the underdog, no doubt. But he's also no coward (the cases he prosecuted as U.S. Attorney for the Northern District of Alabama produces evidence of moral conviction and courage). Asked how in the world he thought he could overcome the Republican advantage in Alabama, Jones said, "At the end of the day, they [the voters of Alabama] are worried about their children, they are worried about their elderly parents, like I am. They're concerned about where their jobs are going to come and what's going to come into this state."

Nothing wrong with that, but needs some cooking on some fire. Can he translate that (populist) message into a movement in his direction? Dunno. Experts say, Proly not.

Probably.

The worst set of numbers for Democrat Jones, IMO, come from the Aug. 15 primary: "Moore received 162,570 total votes, which was more than the entire Democratic field. Jones won his primary with 104,549 votes, or 65.6 percent of the 154,481 votes cast by Democrats" (al.com). Jones has to build Democratic energy in a state where Democrats have been defeatists for more than a decade. A Democrat hasn't won a statewide election since 2008 and hasn't won a U.S. Senate race since 1992.

So ... back to the sudden opening in Tennessee: Who's the Democrat to run for Corker's seat against whatever candidate survives the Republican primary? Will the Tennessee GOP be weaker after the Trumpists tear the establishment apart? Might the Democrats nominate Nashville Mayor Megan Barry? Or US Congressman Jim Cooper? Who then? The only Democrat who's actually declared his candidacy is a virtual unknown, James Mackler, a Nashville attorney and Iraq war veteran.

"My Leetle Friend"

Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore
brandished handgun at rally last night

Former Alabama Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore has run for higher office in Alabama before — and got clobbered. When he ran for governor in 2006, incumbent Bob Riley bested him in the GOP primary by a 2-to-1 margin. Four years later, he came in fourth in the GOP gubernatorial primary, getting just 19 percent of the vote.

But this loon seems inevitable to win the run-off today with incumbent (appointed) Senator Luther Strange. Then it's on to the final contest with Democrat Doug Jones on December 12.

Will Alabama voters have a moment of clarity?

Follow Trump's Logic, But Beware of Whiplash

Been reading coverage of Trump's big rally in Huntsville last night in support of Luther Strange, including in the Huntsville Times.

Swathes of empty seats showing up at the
70-minute mark. Photo Paul Gattis,
Alabama Media Group

"I'm for Luther, but I might have made a mistake"
Trump talked out his ambivalence about supporting Strange in front of several thousand (possibly confused) Trump fans (but not necessarily Luther Strange fans).

“I might have made a mistake. I’ll be honest, I might have made a mistake,” Trump said about his early decision to back Strange. So, as if acting on his regret, he brought Strange's lethal opponent Roy Moore into the equation: “And, by the way, both good men. Both good men. If his opponent wins, I’m going to be here campaigning like hell for him. But, I have to say this … Luther will definitely win.”

Strange had taken the stage just before Trump and proudly put on a red “Make America Great Again” hat. “Are you ready to support our president tonight?” Strange asked of a crowd that was supposedly there to support his candidacy for the Senate. From the stands, a young Trump supporter shouted back: “You suck!”

Strange spoke for fewer than four minutes at his own rally. Trump spoke -- if you could call his disconnected word-salad a "speech" -- for over 90 minutes. People in the upper stands were seen beginning to leave after the hour mark. Trump noticed too and suggested that people were just headed to the restrooms.

"You should be very afraid, but also, you're perfectly safe"

In Alabama, they love saber-rattling (political cod-pieces). And Trump loves a pissing match, so the following prompted the loudest cheers of the night:

“We can’t have madmen out there, shooting rockets all over the place. And by the way: Rocketman should have been handled a long time ago. [Bill Clinton's fault. Barack Obama's fault.] This shouldn’t be handled now, but I’m going to handle it, because we have to handle it. Little rocketman.”

He then ominously warned that North Korea could explode a “massive weapon” over the Pacific Ocean, resulting in “tremendous, tremendous calamity where the plume goes.” Then he told everyone not to worry about that.

“Maybe something gets worked out and maybe it doesn’t, but I can tell you one thing: You are protected. Okay? You are protected.”

By the great big solid dome of his towering ego?

A few other hard-rock gems

When Trump rambles, he bumps into all sorts of furniture. "How about a thing called your Second Amendment,” the president said. “Right? Okay, remember that? If Crooked Hillary got elected, you would not have a Second Amendment, believe me. You’d be handing in your rifles. You’d be saying: ‘Here, here they are.’ ” Who knew that a president had that kind of power? Apparently, ending the Second Amendment for Hillary would have been as easy as ignoring centuries of precedent invested in the emoluments clause.

While trying to praise Strange once again, Trump drew a contrast between Strange and several other Republican lawmakers he had lobbied to support RepealAndReplace. Trump said the other Republican congressmen would consider voting for the legislation only if the president had dinner with their various relatives. “Pictures all night, everything,” Trump said. “Brutal. Brutal. You know what that is, folks, right? It’s called brutality.” Trump talks about his erstwhile political allies that way. Pretty soon he won't have political allies.

Trump got the rally crowd to boo McCain. Twice. And chant "Lock her up!" repeatedly. It's called uniting the country.

“Believe me, folks,” he said. “The wall is happening.” Only now apparently, it's going to be a see-through wall to prevent people on our side from being killed when the drug traffickers catapult 100-lb. bags of narcotics over that wall. 

And having entered the domain now of Mad Magazine, I leave you with the chief executive about which you can feel so proud, and bid you adieu.

As Long as there's an Alabama, North Carolina Won't Be the Worst

Alabama's photo voter I.D. law requires a DMV-issued photo I.D. Some 250,000 Alabamians do not have that I.D., predominantly African-Americans. Alabama just closed 31 DMV offices, most of them in counties with a preponderance of African-Americans.

That blatant catch-22 has prompted a letter to the U.S. Justice Department:

This Is What an Activist Judge Looks Like

Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore said this week that “men and their daughters or women and their sons” would want to get married next if gay people were granted equal marriage rights.

On the Sunday before a federal judge ruled that Alabama must begin issuing same-sex marriage licenses, Moore had ordered the state’s probate judges to refuse licenses to gay couples, a move that was compared to Gov. George Wallace blocking desegregation in the 1960s.

Although some same-sex marriages were performed in Alabama on Monday, more than 50 state judges followed Moore’s advice.

Robert Bentley's Welcome Wagon Not Open to Everyone

The newly inaugurated Republican governor of deepest Alabama, Robert Bentley, sez you ain't his "brother" unless you're a card-carrying, self-professed and sanctified Christian.

If not, you may proceed directly to hell on the nearest rocket toboggan.

"Anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, I'm telling you, you're not my brother and you're not my sister, and I want to be your brother," Bentley said, and he had the gall to say it from the pulpit in which Dr. Martin Luther King used to preach the equality of all.

If there was ever a state well suited to an evangelical politician, or ever a state that deserved him, it might be Alabama.

And trust us, we sooo want to be Alabama's brother.