Wal-Mart Corp. Fears the Scary Black Man

Wal-Mart, the biggest corporation in this particular universe or in any other, has been caught threatening its store managers that if they know what’s best for them, they’d better be putting pressure on their store workers to vote against Barack Obama this fall, or else workers will be unionizing and demanding better wages and – gasp! – benefits, and then Wal-Mart will be forced to start firing people, because treating employees fairly can lead to all sorts of negative consequences and is – after all – unamerican in the extreme, which is what Barack Obama and the Democrats are – unamerican and extreme – and Wal-Mart is scared – SCARED, we said – enough to order (make that ... “suggest”) that its 400 million employees nationwide better think twice about voting Democratic this fall.

Wal-Mart may even be forced to give an even larger portion of its profits to John McCain and his running mates on the Republican Party ticket.