Being Embarrassed in Public for Profit

That Ted Haggard! Disgraced out of his Colorado mega-church after hiring a male prostitute for sex&drugs, he'll now be embarrassed in public at a church near you if the price is right.

Elevation Church in Charlotte paid Haggard big bucks yesterday -- the pastor says the fee he paid "wasn't huge and it wasn't small. We think it was fair" -- to appear before a crowd of 1,200 church-goers and say he's "so ashamed and so deeply embarrassed" about what he did that he now can't stop talking about it.

Oh, we used to flock to what we called "the switchblade Gospel" peddlars when we were teenagers. There'd be this evangelist show up at the local Baptist church who had wild tales to tell about when he was a dope-addict on the streets of AnyBigCity, U.S.A. We ate it up, the confessions of technicolor sin under cover of "resurrection."

They felt that Haggard's tale was so dangerous -- hence, irresistible -- at Elevation Church in Charlotte that they posted signs outside that children 10 and under should not enter. However, 11-year-olds were perfectly all right to hear about gay prostitution under the influence of drugs.

And only incidentally, we're sure, was Haggard also hawking "his fledgling life insurance and debt-reduction businesses."

Put this guy in charge of the TARP funds! He has just the right mix of shameless self-promotion under the guise of shame, and a smashing business model!