Madam Foxx Sees Red

Congresswoman Virginia Foxx has issued a statement. It's a dense congregation of nouns and verbs harassed by numerous adjectives and adverbs, but someone had to read it:

What She Said
Amidst the credit crunch and housing crisis too many Washington policy-makers have decided that the federal government must not only bail out teetering banks, but also credit card companies, automakers, life insurance companies and any other company that looks like it might benefit from a billion-dollar infusion of government cash.

What She Meant
This dip-shit running the government – what's his name? I met him once, I think, but didn't really catch his name – why, my housekeeper could do a better job of managing the economy than him, and she doesn’t even read English.

What She Said
As the Washington Post reported, the Bush administration is almost finished doling out the first $350 billion in bailout money.

What She Meant
That's his name! Bush. What a dork. I mean. Couldn't find his ass with both hands and a head start! Whoever put him in charge needs prescription drugs. Muy pronto.

What She Said
The whole bailout concept is now completely different from the bailout that was sold to America back in September (a concept I didn't buy in the first place).

What She Meant
It's tiresome (I know) being so eerily correct about absolutely everything all the time, but it's my cross to bear. Well, actually your cross.

What She Said
Congress can stop the madness.

What She Meant
Obama can suck his chocolate thumb!