The Democratic Convention, According to Fox News

Michelle Obama gave a weak and ineffective keynote speech at the National Democratic Convention last night, if we consider the carnage and not just the pretty words. The initial sign of trouble came when Hillary Clinton supporters began retching on the convention floor. Some said it was from radiation, but we haven’t been able to confirm that. (We’re also told that the speech curdled milk two counties away, and the moon glowed red.) Although Ms. Obama was trying to soften her image, about five minutes into her speech she transformed without warning into a 30-foot tall steel Decepticon and began stomping Clinton delegates throughout the vast Pepsi Center, hurling folding chairs and sound equipment at the ceiling, rumbling with a metallic voice, “Get Whitey! Get Whitey!” There were almost no survivors.

In other news, John McCain is still a prisoner of war.