Republican Presidential Debate in New Hampshire

Lightning was striking all over the place last night in Manchester, New Hampshire. Rudy Giuliani, in the midst of yet another explanation about respecting other people's views on abortion, joked that maybe his Catholic God was trying to send him a message.

But to us, the lightning (without audible thunder) was just a stage effect perfect for another episode of Wagnerian braggadocio: guys wearing horned helmets, claiming supernatural powers. We shall smite Islamic fundamentalism, hip and thigh! We shall nuke Iran! We shall root out every illegal immigrant and pour salt on their shanties!

All the basso-profundo posturing on that stage went hoarse, however, when a small woman in the audience got to ask a question. She said her beloved younger brother had died in Iraq just eight days shy of coming home. What would you do to end this war and bring the troops home, she wanted to know. The question went first to Mr. Macho Duncan Hunter, who took a defensive posture and began talking about his own son who joined the Marines after 9/11 and who served two tours of duty in Iraq, blah blah blah ... as though that answered the woman's question. Then McCain got on his feet and approached the woman and as much as admitted that her brother might have died in vain: "This war was badly mismanaged, and we've had some losses that were unnecessary." But we have to win, we have to win, we have to win, McCain concluded, trying to wipe away the woman's tears with a theoretical victory. Congressman Ron Paul was next, and again, he was the only man on the stage not willing to sing from the approved text: "You can't enforce American goodness, like the neo-cons preach, through the barrel of a gun." But Rudy Giuliani, than whom no one is more belligerent and who now makes a habit of following Ron Paul with "corrective" militarism, bragged to the poor woman that "because of your brother's service, we're safe now." Really.

Contradiction Alert: Giuliani wants to excuse the death & destruction in Iraq, because it's supposedly made us safer, while simultaneously yelling "Boo" every five minutes about terrorists ... "We're NOT safe, we're NOT safe!" Giuliani was the candidate last night who repeatedly brought up the (un)scary plots by those pathetic mopes to blow up JFK and Ft. Dix, when all the evidence points to the utter inability of the suspects to boil water without burning it.

Worst Use of the Sainted Dead ... Mike Huckabee: "Today is Ronald Reagan's birthday." No it wasn't. Ronald Reagan was born on the 6th of February

Worst Use of Latin, Together With an Obscure Mathematical Term ... Mitt Romney, who said, in answer to the question "Knowing what you know now, was it a mistake to invade Iraq?" answered ... "The question is a non sequitur or a null set" (at which, I'm pretty certain I could hear three political consultants in the wings swallowing their tongues)

Best Impression of Joe Biden ... Sam Brownback, who has begun advocating a "three-state solution" in Iraq

Meaner Than Duncan Hunter ... Hunter, who bragged that "they'll not get across my fence," was one-upped by Tom Tancredo: "We are becoming a bilingual nation, and that is not good"

Attitude Adjustment ... Mike Huckabee, who has started calling homosexuality an "attitude": "You don't punish people for their attitudes but for their behavior"

Cruel Joke of the Night ... Tommy Thompson, asked how he would "use" George W. Bush in a Thompson administration, said, "I certainly wouldn't send him to the United Nations." Thompson would, however, put Mr. Bush out on the lecture circuit to talk to young people about honesty and integrity in government

In Bad Marriages, It's Called 'Ripping the Sheet' ... Tom Tancredo: "I got a call from Karl Rove who said that because of my criticism of the president, I should never darken the door of the White House again .... I'm afraid that as president of the United States, I would have to tell Mr. Bush exactly what Karl Rove told me."

Most Pro-Life Statement of the Night ... Ron Paul, who said that the most pressing moral issue in America right now is "the acceptance of the principal of preemptive war"