So Many Contradictions, So Little Time

The Watauga County "Republican Party Platform," written principally by Jerry & Karen Wilson (according to party members in the know), was published in last Friday's Watauga Democrat (and in other papers?) and cries out for textual analysis.

1. "...we believe in the minimal intrusion of government into our private lives." Unless, of course, you're a woman seeking an abortion. Or a gay couple seeking a marriage license.

2. "We believe that unfunded Federal and State mandates to local governments must cease." Including No Child Left Behind?

3. "...local property taxes can be decreased." Ah! It's indirect, but there's the shot at the county's set-aside for the new high school.

4. "...we believe our elected officials must adhere to the highest ethical standards." A slap at the sheriff? How droll.

5. The clanging contradictions in "every landowner gets to do what he damn well pleases," jammed together with the greenwash of "environmental stewardship" is just so much let's-sound-environmental-while-acting-selfish. Pigs will have taken flight when we believe the local GOP has any environmental concern.

6. "...the people's wisdom should be sought through referendum..." Another shot at the new high school. "We don't want a new high school, but we can't exactly come out and say it, because at least two of our candidates say they support a new school, though a referendum would be our one shot to derail it." Followed by:

7. "...adequate funding of our educational system." As long as you don't raise any taxes. Or build a new school. Or make any decisions without a referendum.

8. "...provide jobs with a 'living wage' for our citizens..." But don't you dare raise the minimum wage! 'Cause a low-paid workforce is the divine inheritance that rich people have been promised!

9. "...government is to provide for the people ONLY those critical functions..." See # 8 above. You sorry, lazy bunch of scum-sucking welfare cheats! We're gonna cut you off, even if it takes a million years, coupled with a zillion pious declarations that we support "a living wage"! You'll never get it from us. You should pray instead!