ASU Teaches BullS**t 101

The story in today's Watauga Democrat about the banishment of the Appalachian Cultural Museum staff was sooo funny ... not in a ha-ha way but in a "Oh, no, he dint say that!" sort of way. And for those who don't speak fluent academician, allow us to translate:

WHAT THEY SAID:
"We will, of course, be retaining the ability to bring them [the museum staff] back to work with the museum,” said Robert Lyman, dean of the College of Arts and Sciences.

WHAT THEY MEANT:
Pigs will fly out of my alimentary canal approximately BEFORE we lift a finger.

.........................

WHAT THEY SAID:
"Since things are sort of dormant at the moment, we're letting them work on other assignments until a more active stage develops in the museum's reemergence."

WHAT THEY MEANT:
Presently, for example, we've assigned them to pounding sand up their ass.

.........................

WHAT THEY SAID:
"We would absolutely love to see the museum in a new home," said Lorin Baumhover, ASU chief of staff. "We're pleased to work with the town of Boone and the mayor in that effort, and we fully support this kind of public/private partnership."

WHAT THEY MEANT:
It's really none of our business where they go.